So close yet so far

Probably the thing most on my mind now is summer. Summer right now symbol of freedom, sunny days and not having anything restricting you from going out to soak in the sun. It symbolizes the fact that I can go out with my friends and we can spend the whole day out without feeling guilty. But that's in about 60 days. So close yet so far.

I'v managed to study half of physics till now. Still trying to cram in the other half. I feel as though my mind is a drawer that's already just bursting full with clothes or useless rubbish, and I keep trying to fit in more stuff. You know? When your mum goes on a rant and tells you to clean the room you find that one drawer that everything fits into? That one. But there's so much my mind can take. I just want to forget it all already. Which brings me back to summer. So close yet so far.

However sometimes I think that if we keep saying we're so close, a stone's throw away from our what we really want, we'll end up living life postponing the present. In a way. The present will just pass us by until one day we won't have any more presents and just a history. What if we keep holding onto an ideal that is always so close yet so far?

Some people might call it a hope for a better future. I guess it can be. But sometime or another one must become realistic. I don't think it really means letting go of a dream. Maybe it could. But it might also mean making your present your dream and looking at your present life from a different perspective. Not as a stepping stone to your dream. More like your dream in another form. Like how a potter is making a vase. So he's making it and he realises he doesn't have enough clay. He may throw it away, or he might start shaping it differently. He wouldn't have made the vase he originally wanted but he made do with what he had. But it's all up to the potter. Either throw it away or change the ideal. He was so close yet so far.

Yet all this so close and yet so far might bring about feelings of frustration. The feeling of being so close to complete and utter freedom, like having a big weight lifted off your shoulders. We envision that feeling and when we realise we still have that weight pulling us down we get frustrated. We are made impatient people. We don't know how to wait things out. We ask why, we complain, we grumble, we go around looking grouchy. Then the long awaited finally happens. After practically touching it with our fingers, what we yearn for is within our grasp.

Yet if we go through this time of waiting just grumbling I don't think we'd appreciate what we end up as much. Like ever noticed in a child? If as soon as he starts shouting for a particular toy you buy it for him, in less than a week you'd find it at the back of the toy box. Guaranteed. Yet if you make the child either save up for it or make him yearn for it to test if he really wants the toy, at least it won't spend a week before retirement.

I'm babbling which is why I'll try hit the books. Chew that tobacco. But eventually spit it out.

But remember..don't lose hope ever. Cos God has a plan for each and everyone of us. Thought you ought to know :)