Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Random Babbling of a Now Legal Adult

Cos we can

Someone close to my heart reminded me of this a few days ago. A truly brilliant girl at heart, and I won't say amazing because like the word 'nice' it is being so overused in every context imaginable, it is slowly sadly losing it's..awesomeness.
and it was concluded that I write when I'm stressed for exams.

Based on that alone I should stop writing here.
I won't.

One day I'll fly away
belts out Satine, and man oh man do I feel her pain. Granted I'm not working at the Moulin Rouge in the hope of getting into theatre. Granted I'm not being killed slowly by a disease.

Doesn't stop me from wanting to fly away though.
Get away from this rock, get away from the same four walls, the same routine, the same faces.
Get away the self as dictated by circumstances and time.

And I might find that unless I make a conscious effort not to let these two demons so to say take control, I'll slowly slowly lose my mind.
Time does that naturally, literally. Dimensia.
Being the hamster in the wheel, frantically running and running, out of breathe; just to keep that wheel going.


(8) Phone rings but I won't take it, cos we only get one life
we only get one life (8)

I don't know.
I'll go back to my assignments, photoshop and quote hunting.

The fear of life is the favorite disease of the 20th century.

William Lyon Phelps

Friday, April 30, 2010

A running theme in these current times, is of course procrastination. I applaud anyone who has not heard the word or engaged in said activity. To all those nodding your head, stop reading and go continue with your work!
Unless of course, any distraction is welcome as an excuse to drop your books.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. What makes me so passionate and understanding about a certain topic yet so baffling for you? Some people call them gifts..I do agree. Some people have a way with words, such that if they write a thesis about the species of ant that keeps crawling over the floor in summer one would willingly read it. And comment, "My my how interesting."

One are just so funny, all you can do around them is laugh. Unfortunetly, this can cause some major backfiring as of course they might think you are some air-headed bimbo. Sorry for the stereotyping. You just can't help it though. And I'm not talking to you biased people out there who state their crush is so funny hence all the giggling. Some people are just funny.

I'm of course extremely jealous of those people who dance. Not just the silly dancing I do alone in my bedroom, effectively stubbing my toes every few minutes. No. The type which leave you breathless, the type which engage you in some story they are telling simply by a move. Those that have the ability to look so effortless but every move, every expression conveys the emotion of the character they are portraying. And they say dancing is for sissies.

Off on a tangent I see. Procrastination has no line of thought. It is not planned. The efforts we go through to not do what we are supposed to be doing are quite incredible. From checking a song, I turned to facebook and somehow I ended up reading blogs. Where I thought, my my these people are gifted. BLOG.

And in my efforts to waste time and not work, I have come to realise it is now indeed time for bed. I congratulate myself for producing possibly the most boring few sentences put together in the history of mankind. Of course that's an exaggeration, I can think of many many other boring sentences. Just not right now.

Da di dum. La ti da. We're so close to reaching that famous happy ending.
I have always thought gollywog is a really funny word. At least.I think that's the word I'm looking for.

It's 11.26. You have the first real number for 2 times, add them together, then add the third number with double itself. And you get the time.

You've got to love i-should-be-stressing-out-and-working-my-bum-off-but-im-not stress. But I love my bed even more right now.
Much love blowing your way, from the bed and I.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

So close yet so far

Probably the thing most on my mind now is summer. Summer right now symbol of freedom, sunny days and not having anything restricting you from going out to soak in the sun. It symbolizes the fact that I can go out with my friends and we can spend the whole day out without feeling guilty. But that's in about 60 days. So close yet so far.

I'v managed to study half of physics till now. Still trying to cram in the other half. I feel as though my mind is a drawer that's already just bursting full with clothes or useless rubbish, and I keep trying to fit in more stuff. You know? When your mum goes on a rant and tells you to clean the room you find that one drawer that everything fits into? That one. But there's so much my mind can take. I just want to forget it all already. Which brings me back to summer. So close yet so far.

However sometimes I think that if we keep saying we're so close, a stone's throw away from our what we really want, we'll end up living life postponing the present. In a way. The present will just pass us by until one day we won't have any more presents and just a history. What if we keep holding onto an ideal that is always so close yet so far?

Some people might call it a hope for a better future. I guess it can be. But sometime or another one must become realistic. I don't think it really means letting go of a dream. Maybe it could. But it might also mean making your present your dream and looking at your present life from a different perspective. Not as a stepping stone to your dream. More like your dream in another form. Like how a potter is making a vase. So he's making it and he realises he doesn't have enough clay. He may throw it away, or he might start shaping it differently. He wouldn't have made the vase he originally wanted but he made do with what he had. But it's all up to the potter. Either throw it away or change the ideal. He was so close yet so far.

Yet all this so close and yet so far might bring about feelings of frustration. The feeling of being so close to complete and utter freedom, like having a big weight lifted off your shoulders. We envision that feeling and when we realise we still have that weight pulling us down we get frustrated. We are made impatient people. We don't know how to wait things out. We ask why, we complain, we grumble, we go around looking grouchy. Then the long awaited finally happens. After practically touching it with our fingers, what we yearn for is within our grasp.

Yet if we go through this time of waiting just grumbling I don't think we'd appreciate what we end up as much. Like ever noticed in a child? If as soon as he starts shouting for a particular toy you buy it for him, in less than a week you'd find it at the back of the toy box. Guaranteed. Yet if you make the child either save up for it or make him yearn for it to test if he really wants the toy, at least it won't spend a week before retirement.

I'm babbling which is why I'll try hit the books. Chew that tobacco. But eventually spit it out.

But remember..don't lose hope ever. Cos God has a plan for each and everyone of us. Thought you ought to know :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

When the mind succumbs to tiredness and sickenss it produces nothing

I don't consider myself a very creative person yet many people say I am. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. Maybe they are trying to please me. Yet every now and again I get these inspirations to just either draw or take pictures and not images, or write. 45 minutes ago i was inspired to write. Some time later I am still furiously typing out my thoughts and deleting them as I think them too silly for you bloggers to read. Feel honoured guys, I'm editing so you won't have to read silly things.

I simply love the smell of oranges and the smell that lingers hours after you've had an orange.
I love lightning. It's so fascinating. Actually, if you look closely all of nature is fascinating. As cliched as it sounds, everything meshes well in nature. Everything is in balance. (For those out there who are The Incredibles fans, "all the pieces mesh together" in the clock) But it's true. Such a perfect balance. Then we humans come along and destroy it all. Ever wondered how it will be like if Galileo didn't ask how? Or if Newton didn't ask why?

Sometimes I say we're better off without our science. I mean in the end, what's education really? It's knowledge gathered together by people which have deemed it important for others to learn. Sure yes it is. But I think we place too much importance on education. Maybe I'm biased since I have exams coming up soon; and I don't feel like studying.
But in the end, we are destroying ourselves. We have all congratulated ourselves for being so great and so delving so deeply into the reality of our existence that we forget that by doing so we are disrupting the balance. In a way at least. The extent to which we have applied the scientific knowledge we know to make our lives more comfortable is ultimately causing new problems which may lead to our destruction. Do I sound Kida? Yes. Do I sound like I'm off my rocker? That too.

Think about it. Personally i think we are now letting technology control us. In Spiderman 2, doesn't that scientist create something to help him and ultimately becomes controlled by it? I think we're sort of the same. We are now past the point of no return. We are too immersed in our world of technology to make an effort to cut down. Yet here i stay complainging on and on and yt I do nothing. Just like many others I suppose. And to seal this fact, I'm going to go into my warm, electonically heated bed. I take back what I have been talking about for tonight. I love technology.

On that happy note I bid you, as Chris Martin has said, "goodbye and goodnight!"

Friday, August 21, 2009

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

It is with great regret that i realise that i only have roughly 5 weeks left to enjoy this gorgeous summer weather and all the perks it brings with it. This summer flew by. Not just this summer; i still remember orientation day and applying for Junior College; the hard work that brought the new scholastic year; Christmas, New Year, you Can fit in my birthday here, Easter, and exams. There, the main events of the year and i can practically remember every little detail.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

From the very moment we're born, our life becomes an hourglass turned upside down, with an unknown number of grains of sand. With every passing moment, more grains of sand trickle down to the bottom. And you cannot calculate how many more moments you might have; you cannot calculate how much grains of sand you have left.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

If you get caught up in this life, your life becomes nothing but a race against time, literally. Which is why we might stop for a moment and realise that we just watched our life pass by without even participating in it. And to confuse you even more I'm going to give an example of what I mean: you're by the roadside and you realise that a car is coming but it just passes you by. That car is your life. It must really suck if you realise this; which is why sometimes we must pause take a deep breathe, check our surroundings then bury our noses back into work.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Just last week I had one of those deep breathes, and boy what a deep breathe it was! It lasted about a week. It goes by the name of Soul Survivor. It helped me realise most of all that life isn't a race against time but a challenge we must face and win only with the help of Jesus Christ. It helped me realise God's love for me, and how He'd never leave me alone. It helped me find my missing best friend, Jesus, and for that I am thankful. I feel like I was a car with no petrol trying to go on, and after Soul Survivor I was re-fueled and I took the petrol tank with me. Now how great is that??

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Now I feel like that I can take any challenges that come my way..though I am probably feeling this because I'm not thinking of the problems I have to deal with. But I know that Jesus will be with me and that alone brightens my day. I am ready for the grains of sand to continue falling now since I know that it doesn't matter how much time I have left, but it's what I do with it, and I want to worship God as much as I can because His love has freed me.

What are you going to do with the time you have left?

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Being James Bond isn't as easy as it seems

Ever had one of those days where you just want to cuddle, want the world to disappear as someone whispers soothingly that everything will be alright?

That's how I'm feeling.

Strangely enough, up to a few hours ago i was in a good mood, giving my friend advice to help her ( because you know, thats what advice generally does). I didn't know that in a few hours later, our roles would be nearly reversed. She's smiling and now I've turned to my long time friends. Sorry to all of you out there. The winners are, yes my depressing songs. I know some of you must be disappointed. Please don't cry.

Yet I jsut realised, even though I'm feeling quite sad and all that, I still can't translate my emotions onto paper. Well sort of paper; use your imagination. Come to think of it, maybe I still use a mask? I can hardly ever write genuine feelings onto paper. Great. Now I'm a masked person whenever I try expose myself to people. If only now i were someone like Zorro. wait he didn't have a mask.

As an attempt to writng genuinely I shall say this. You know how people cna connect in different ways and express themselves using differen mediums? I really admire artists because I can't paint anything, and even writers for the reasons i mentioned earlier. So this blog is useless if you want to be wowed. (if you to be wowed look for naomi's..its amazing). I find consolation in music. Even a particular note makes me feel better. Not even dancing helps sometimes. Music. Depressing music has a way of making me feel better. Like the artist was passing through the same experiences in order to have come up with something so beautiful.

So I can write absolute nonsense in every post. But generally it's the raw truth. My thoughts at exactly the moment I'm writing them. I don't even look back to what I have written.

And now I'm feeling slightly better. It was silly to get all sad about some silly comment. So mission accomplished. Sort of. Ok. Work in Progress. I'm sure us Maltese know all about that.

I'm Bond. James Bond.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Of time, summer and rushes :)

It's quite sad. No really.

The more time I have on my hands, the more I waste. When I was stressing out due to the stressful situations caused by exams, I found time to write something. Two short posts, but I blogged nevertheless. I can safely say that in the 3 weeks that I've been at home lazying about I haven't even thought of blogging. I can always think of some excuse such as, 'I've been babysitting!' or something more on the lines of 'I was going to the beach everyday!'. And the plus side is that this is actually true. But just like when I was wondering how on earth I'm going to manage to remember anything for systems, I still found time to blog (more as a result of procrastination than anything else), then I should also find time to write something small when I have practically nothing to do.

Yes, I just realised I've been going round and round in circles saying aboslutely nothing new.

My first blog for the summer. I've been dying to write that sentence (after of course I realised I need to stop being lazy and start using my head again before it rots doing absolutely nothing). I've been looking forward to summer ever since school began (give or take a few weeks). So obviously my expectations are kind of high. Maybe I'm expecting some earth-shattering cosmic event that will make my eyes bulge out and make me go wow. Ok. Not that bad. Leave the eyes bulging out part. No one would like to look like a toad. I guess I'm looking forward to the memories I want to have of this summer, so I'm hoping something will happen. This got me thinking. Nothing is going to happen unless you work for it, or you do something about it. So it's absolutely useless waiting for the fig to fall into your mouth (I'm guilty of leteral translation from Maltese to English). If you want memories, you have to make them. Memories are not pretty pictures or oscar-winning short films that your head makes up. No they are experiences that you have to pass through, so you have to make something happen. I apologise profusely if I mixed you up.
Anyway I was also thinking. This summer I want it to be memorable in its own way. I want to look back in winter and say, "Wow. That was a really good summer." I don't want to even thinking of the words, "Mm yeah. It was ok." No. That is unacceptable. So I started listing all the things I want to do this summer. A kind of bucket list if you like. Except hopefully I'm not dying. I decided that for this summer I want to feel a rush. Natural highs so to speak. And also have fun with my friends =). Oh my that sounds lame. But it's true.

Sad don't you think how some words lost their meaning because they are used excessively?
It's quite sad. No really.